How do i
begin this? It is already too difficult to talk about you using words
like ‘Was’ when i really want to say ‘is’ and ‘Would have been’ when my
heart whispers ‘Would be’.
This
is absolute insanity. How one minute you are here, vibrant, happy,
excited about all the work you have mapped out for 2013. How you stayed
cheering me on, telling me how you admire me, how you want to be there
to help, you stoop low enough till I can hop on your back and bear my
weight on your shoulders, regardless of the luggage you already have on
yours.
Isn’t it ironic how everyone
hated you for this and that, when all you ever wanted to do was
entertain them. What’s sad? They still have something bad to say even in
your absence. I am sad! You were here before me, and when i stepped my
skinny legs in this wicked place to explore my music, You were one of
the few out doing something different. You stood out like yolks stand
out of egg whites.
How you handled this evil, self-centred, ‘I-have-only-bad-things-to-say’ people for as long as you did is what baffles me.
You
exhibited such strength, such outstanding emotional stamina that it
seemed like you could do all wrong in their eyes and still stand, here,
entertaining us from the bottom of your heart.
We
had a conversation to finish Goldie! Remember? Now i feel like i would
never be able to tell you what really happened contrary to what everyone
thinks. I remember the last time i saw you, you were so mad at me for
not telling you about me leaving the Label. And with good reason too!
You hooked it all up didn’t you? So Goldie. Always ready to help. Sad
when your friends are sad.
You said to me ‘Ehnnn?
Eva you are not signed? Isssaalie! Are they blind? Let me talk to —-
for you sharp sharp. He just got this new deal mehhnn, you must rock it
oh. I won’t stop disturbing him till he signs you.’
And
off you went! You took it upon yourself to make sure your friend asked
me to sign with his label. And how so stupid I was not to have told you
first the minute shit hit the fan. I hope the little I was able to
explain to you was of any good. (sigh)
All that is gone now.
Even you are gone. Life is Crazy.
I
am grateful today, that I had the pleasure of working with you Goldie
boo, traveling, touring, doing shows with you. I loved you from day one!
Fresh into the university and without a clue what I wanted from life,
there you were on my TV screen doing what most women didn’t dare. Even I
didn’t understand you at first.
But
I understood this one fact ‘You were YOU!’ And it hit me right there. I
finally realized what I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to be me.
ME! Without a care in the world what ‘they’ say as long as I am me. No
compromise.
You didn’t just inspire and motivate me, you have kept me here.
If it wasn’t a phone call to find out if i was okay, it was a BB message to make me laugh my heart out.
My
Dear Goldie, My sister, My friend…. I cannot ever answer the question
why but I know that God never works without purpose. So i am not going
to ask why either.
I am going
through a lot right now, this is one of those times we would have had a
BB conversation and you would have put my worrying mind at ease. But
then I think about it, like you always noted, ‘I haven’t even scraped the surface of what you have’.
All
the times you cried and carried the pain in your heart like an artery,
all the times you thought about giving it all up and let your tears
flood up your pillows like rain, they didn’t see that. Yet the little
they saw they hated. They mocked. Their shallow minds could not
comprehend it. 95 per cent of these are the same who have turned around
now in your passing to offer words of kindness that you longed for while
you were here. Haha! Isn’t it amazing how they suddenly see how
creative your videos were? Nwannem! Odikwa very strong tin!
Hmmmm….
You
are gone now my love, as much as it kills me to type that out, I have
to face it. If you are sitting on the right side of God our father,
please beg him and intercede on my behalf while I Pray. As I go through
the sort of things that you did, as I struggle to become somebody my
parents are proud of, as I face this wicked place and its wicked people
all by myself, as I say Goodbye to Friends who have become Foes
overnight, as I stand in the midst of people who hate me for no reason
and take it upon themselves like a day job to bring me down, intercede
on my behalf dear Goldie. May the Lord answer my prayers…the same sort
you prayed while you were here.
Thank
you for letting me into your world even for a short time. What great
blessing it is to have known the real you, the soft, kind-hearted,
always-ready-for-a-good-laugh beautiful girl that you were.
I’m too sad.
No comments:
Post a Comment